Ziggy and Friends
Shared by Wheenk!
A New Year Prayer
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
A New Year’s Wish
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that at the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY’. MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.
OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' - STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED. ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY - "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
TRUE STORY.
(I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)
Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”
Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”
Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”
(There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)
Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”
(He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)
Peg always replied, “I know Rich, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks”
One Year Rich & Peg went to the fair, and, Rich said, “I want to ride the helicopter! I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”
To this, Peg replied, "Rich, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty dollars.”
Rich and Peg agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Rich and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!”
Rich replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Peg fell out, But you know, ‘Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!’”
She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, So he probably wouldn't notice her. The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, “Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?”
Timmy nonchalantly replied, “Yeah, I know who she is.”
The little girl said, “Well, who is she?”
“That's just Shirley Goodnest,” Timmy replied, “and her daughter Marcy.”
“Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?”
“Well,” Timmy explained, “every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest (surely goodness) and Marcy (mercy) shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"
May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always
"Yes. What do you want?"
"Well, you see I'm calling about my neighbor, Billy Bob Jenkins. The thing is, he's hiding a stash of marijuana inside his firewood..."
"Sir, thank you very much for your call."
The following day, a crack squad of FBI agents descended on Billy Bob's house. Bursting into his shed, they find the stash of firewood. Using axes, they burst open every single piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left...
The phone then rings inside Billy Bob's house: "Hey there Billy Bob...Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy"
