To commemorate her birthday, the actress/vocalist made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of AARP. Shared by Bob C!

One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things” from the legendary movie “Sound of Music”.

Here are the lyrics she used: (Go on...SING IT!)

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string.
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Posted by Wheenk! at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Shared by Kristin!

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It was fun being a baby boomer... until now! Thanks Bob C!

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:

1. Herman’s Hermits --- Mrs. Brown. You’ve Got A Lovely Walker
   
2. Ringo Starr --- I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
   
3. The Bee Gees ---How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?
   
4. Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash
   
5. Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
   
6. Johnny Nash --- I Can’t See Clearly Now
   
7. Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
   
8. The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
   
9. Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through The Grape Nuts
   
10. Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade Of Hair
    
11. Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping
    
12. The Temptations --- Papa’s Got A Kidney Stone
    
13. Abba --- Denture Queen
    
14. Tony Orlando --- Knock Three Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
    
15. Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
    
16. Leslie Gore --- It’s My Procedure And I’ll Cry If I Want To
    
17. Willie Nelson --- On The Commode Again
     

Posted by Wheenk! at 08:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From somewhere on the internet... Shared by Wheenk!

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Shared by Wheenk!

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ."

Posted by Wheenk! at 09:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)