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Wheenk! Fun > March 2008 Archives
« February 2008 |
April 2008 »
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Shared by Wheenk!
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service!"
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Happy Easter!Shared by Wheenk! |
A woman driving down the highway saw a man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
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What the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations...Shared by Wheenk! |
Comment: AVERAGE
Really Means: Not too bright.
Comment: EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Really Means: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Comment: QUICK THINKING
Really Means: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Comment: INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION
Really Means: Knows more than superiors.
Comment: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC
Really Means: Finds someone else to do the job.
Comment: A KEEN ANALYST
Really Means: Thoroughly confused.
Comment: EXPRESSES SELF WELL
Really Means: Can string two sentences together.
Comment: DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP
Really Means: Has a loud voice.
Comment: JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND
Really Means: Lucky.
Comment: KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR
Really Means: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Comment: SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Really Means: Stupid.
Comment: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS
Really Means: An office gossip.
Comment: ENJOYS JOB
Really Means: Needs more to do.
Comment: HAPPY
Really Means: Paid too much.
Comment: CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN
Really Means: Pain in the neck.
Comment: USES TIME EFFECTIVELY
Really Means: Clock watcher.
Comment: USES RESOURCES WELL
Really Means: Delegates everything.
Comment: DESERVES PROMOTION
Really Means: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
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Shared by Wheenk!
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally the businessman hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah," said the man, "I've come to activate your phone lines."
