Shared by Wheenk!

I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my daughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.'

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

An Interview With An 80-Year-Old Woman Shared by Wheenk!

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to
reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early
20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Posted by Wheenk! at 05:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

An Excerpt From Reader's Digest Shared by Wheenk!

A small town sheriff was also its lone veterinarian. One night, the phone rang and his wife answered.

"Let me speak to your husband!" a voice demanded.

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or a vet?" the wife asked.

"Both," cried the caller. "We can't get our dog's mouth open and there's a burglar in it."

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Final Exam Shared by Wheenk!

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class!

The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Posted by Wheenk! at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Be Careful What You Wish For... Shared by Wheenk!

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)