A Little Halloween Humor? Shared by, Wheenk Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb ....

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some Music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig Van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Posted by Wheenk! at 07:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From the Washington Post Shared by Wheenk!

MENSA INVITATIONAL

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
 

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
    
   
2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
    
   
3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
    
   
4. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
     
   
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
    
   
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
    
   
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
    
   
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
    
   
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
    
   
10. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
     
    
11. Glibido: All talk and no action.
     
    
12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
     
    
13. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
     
    
14. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
     
    
15. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
     

Posted by Wheenk! at 08:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Read it slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w! Shared by Wheenk!

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."

"She'll read it very slow."

Posted by Wheenk! at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You Don't Keep Them, They Keep YOU!! shared by Wheenk!

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human bliss -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
    

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Posted by Wheenk! at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Actual Classified Ads Shared by Wheenk! Who proofreads these things, anyway?!?

AMANA WASHER $100.OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK AND BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300, HARDLY USED. CALL CHUBBIE

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

GEORGIA PEACHES. CALIFORNIA GROWN - .89 CENTS lb.

AMERICAN FLAG, 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

OPEN HOUSE AT BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE AND DONUTS

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA. 45 VOLUMES. EXCELLENT CONDITION. $1,000.00 OR BEST OFFER. NO LONGER NEEDED. GOT MARRIED LAST WEEKEND. WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

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