...Of A Sense Of Humor. Shared by, Wheenk!

1. On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband fixed."

2. On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

3. Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

4. At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

5. Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

6. At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

7. On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

8. In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

9. On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

10. At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

11. On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

12. In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

13. On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

14. At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

15. Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

16. In a veterinarian's waiting room : "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

17. At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

18. In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

19. In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
    

Posted by Wheenk! at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

All's Fair In Love and Golf. Shared by Wheenk!

Actual Caddy Quotes

Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."
Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!"
Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!"

Golfer: "This golf is a funny game."
Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old."
Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!"
Caddy: "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!"

Posted by Wheenk! at 07:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

New Meanings For Terms You Already Know Shared by, Wheenk!

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have kids again.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

Posted by Wheenk! at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

"Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer" Shared by, Wheenk! Gotta love the Mac!

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly Marx four my revue
Miss steaks eye can knot sea.
Eye strike quay and type a word.
And weight four it two say
Weather I eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is made
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter-perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Posted by Wheenk! at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)